The other day a young lady who is very very dear to my heart (more than she will ever know) suffered one of the worst tragedies a young person can endure; her mother passed away very sudden and without warning. When I heard the news I was absolutely devastated because I care so much for her and I honestly can say I know exactly what she is going through. My father committed suicide when I was 17 and I remember what I went through. It was so surreal – “This is not really happening – he will walk through the door any minute and the bad dream will disappear. Then all the phone calls and well wishers, people that want to now do everything for you. It was fine at first but then I just wished everyone would go away and let me mourn in peace. It is a very difficult time when you lose the closest thing in the world to you and there is no quick way of getting over it as well. For me I lashed out and it took many years to finally realize what I was doing.
We sit there and say “Why Us – What did I do to deserve this?” – Unfortunately, and I hate to be so crass at this time but “It is what it is”. Life has no guarantees and how long it lasts is a crap shoot. If I may be so bold to offer a little advice to those who do go through this – “The person that you have lost did not choose this – do not feel anger towards them – do not think it is in any way your fault – just remember all the wonderful years you did have together and never ever forget all the good memories that you had. I still see things or hear things or even smell things that remind me of my father and they make me smile. I still tell people about my father and the stupid things he used to do. I still talk to him when I need that special person to use as a sounding board and most important to me, I think about him every day and it brings a smile to my face. He was also the most important person in my life. We must cherish and live everyday like it is the last day because it just may be. I have tried hard to do this over the 20 years or so and not let the little things around frustrate me. I kind of look at things and say “What can be worse than what I have gone though – so why let this bother me”.
So my young friend, if you read this please know that since I heard about your mother my thoughts have been constantly drifting back to you and even though I did not make the wake or funeral I have been mourning with you and praying for you. And if you ever need to talk or just want to bounce feeling off, I will always be here for you.
A little Irish poem I often recite to my father even now – and this is for your mother as well.
May the road rise up to meet you,
May the wind be ever at your back
May the sun shine warm upon your face
And the rain fall softly on your fields
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the hollow of his hand
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